The ‘Jewish’ Way To #YOLO
(You Only Live Once)©
Kol Nidre – 2013/5774
By Rabbi David Baum
There are many acronyms that we have grown accustomed
to: LOL, JK, TTYL, and more. I once taught our bar/bat mitzvah classes
and they had a whole conversation with just acronyms!
It was like a foreign language; I had to use a
dictionary! OMG!
But there’s a new one that you might not be aware of that is
going viral amongst our young ones:
YOLO, you only live once.
YOLO is a fun way to live – let me read you some tweets with
the hashtag YOLO
I just flirt .. all
the time .. even when I know I shouldn't #yolo
Sometimes ya gotta
just jump out of your friends car and get into a strangers
convertible#opportunityknocking #YOLO
YOLO is something you might tweet after you go bungee
jumping, sky diving, or when you buy a sports car even though you know you
shouldn’t. We say YOLO when we do
something adventurous, dangerous, fun, and at times, let’s face it,
irresponsible.
As Ecclesiastes once said, “There’s nothing new under the
sun.” Of course, you and I know
that YOLO is just another way of saying, Carpe Diem, Seize the Day, or Live for
Today.
The truth is, I don’t like YOLO. I know, it’s just not cool to NOT be ok with YOLO. But before you judge me, here me out, I
have some good reasons.
And yes, I say this today, the one day of the year where we
rehearse our own deaths. We wear
our white kittels, the same garments we use to be buried in and we abstain from
all earthly pleasures. Today, we
confront our mortality head on, and if any day would be a YOLO day, it would be
today!
And yet even today isn’t a YOLO day, and I’ll go a step
further:
YOLO isn’t Jewish.
It’s not because we Jews are not the most adventurous people! It’s because living only for today just
isn’t Jewish.
Unfortunately, there is a price we pay for living only in
the present, and not thinking of the past and the future, and it’s more than a
nasty hangover, a diminished bank account, or worse.
If we live like this, we become something truly
unimaginable: orphans in history.
So if YOLO isn’t the answer, if I shouldn’t seize the day,
then what should I do?
Here’s my answer – I want you to live in the present with
one foot in the past and the other foot in the future.
I want to share a story told to me by Rabbi Jack Riemer of
how living like this actually led to a modern day Jewish miracle:
Back in the thirties, the Labor party in Israel was
struggling over whether to be in favor of partitioning the land of Israel or
not. If there was a partition, there would be a Jewish state, but on the
other hand, if there was a partition, they would have to give up some of the
most precious and sacred parts of the land of Israel. And so many people in the
Labor Party were torn. Should they be in favor of partition, because it might
lead to peace? And because it
might enable them to save some of the Jews of Europe, who had nowhere else to
go? Or should they be against partition, because it meant surrendering part
of the land of Israel forever?
Ben Gurion himself was divided on this question. And so he went to Yosef Tabenkin, who
was one of the elder statesmen of the Labor Party, and who had always been his
mentor, and he asked him how he should vote.
Tabenkin said: Give me twenty four hours, and I will tell
you what I think you should do, because, before I give you my advice, I need to
consult with two people.
Tabenkin came back the next day, and said: I think you
should vote for partition.
Ben Gurion thanked him for his advice, and then he said:
Would you mind telling me who were the two people whom you consulted before you
made your decision?
Tebenkin said: I asked my grandfather, who is no longer
alive, and I asked my grandchildren who are not yet born. And only after I
thought about what they would say, and about what would be best in their eyes,
did I make my decision.”
Tebenkin proved that we don’t only live once, we can live
forever. And that’s what today is
all about: past, present and future, surround us.
First, let’s think about the past – how can we make sure
that our long lost relatives are proud of us? We can learn from their mistakes and live a different
life.
Let me ask you – who knows their Hebrew name by heart? It is your name, son of your parents
name. Ashkenazim, which probably
makes us the overwhelming majority of this room, have a custom to name their
new born children for a relative who has passed away, who the newborn child
will never have the chance to meet.
The logic must be for that person to live again in some way; but do we
really go through with this?
The fact is, our names are made up of the past – a long lost
relative, or Tabenkin’s grandfather who is no longer alive, and your
parents.
Who in here knows which relatives they are named after?
Who in here knows anything about these relatives?
My name is David Zalm Ben Yitzhak Shlomo v’Rachel
Esther. David was my grandmother
Eva’s brother who was murdered in the Holocaust, and Zalman was my grandmother
Eta’s brother who was also murdered in the Holocaust. Passed that, I don’t know anything about them. In fact, I never thought about it much
until I had my own children. I
asked my parents about them, but they didn’t know, and both of my grandmothers
are long gone.
It’s a shame – I
don’t even know who I’m named after.
I know, it’s sad, and I wish I knew more. I wish I knew what they were like, the
great things they did in their lives, the families they built, the values they
stood for – but I don’t. But I
will tell you, I think of them as almost super human, but I really have no
reason to.
We tend to deify our ancestors. It is even a rabbinic concept called Zchut Avot, that we
benefit from the righteous actions of our forefathers, Abraham, Isaac, and
Jacob. But, if you have learned
anything from these high holidays, and from the rest of the Torah, you would
know that our ancestors made big mistakes. In fact, that’s what makes the Bible unique – rather than
turn its characters into perfect gods, the characters were imperfect
humans! They are relatable!
My name David, is after King David. He may have been a great warrior, and killed
the mighty Goliath; he might have been anointed by God, and united a kingdom,
but he was also a womanizer, a man who was ruthless in his quest for power and
a man who disappointed his prophets.
Zalman is the Yiddish version of Shlomo, David’s son. Sure, he was wise, he built the Holy
Temple, one of the wonders of the ancient world, but he also bankrupted the
kingdom, had way too many wives, and broke some major rules. His sins eventually led to the split of
the kingdom after his death!
So if they could make big mistakes, why couldn’t those who
you are named after have made similar if not worse mistakes? What happens if your long past
ancestors weren’t the greatest of people?
Let me spare you the suspense – no one is perfect, and all
of us have had days we have regretted.
I am glad that David and Shlomo were the people they were–
because I can learn from their mistakes.
Every Jew should know their Hebrew name, and if you don’t, I
want you to do one thing when Yom Kippur ends – I want you to research it –
find out who you are named for and why.
Our ancestors of the past have a leg up on our grandchildren
yet to be born – they have a history, and with that history comes
imperfections. Don’t ignore it or
cover it up, embrace it! It’s what
makes us human! It also teaches us
that we too can achieve the great things our long lost relatives achieved.
I want to tell you the story of a man who passed away just a
couple of weeks ago, a man who is now a true ancestor.
Irwin Weiss was a great man who served our congregation and
many others his whole life until his passing this year at the age of 91. During one of the days of shiva, his
son Matt gave a stirring memory of something Irwin once told him. Irwin worked hard his whole life, and
he would work even when he came home.
The time he spent with his children was meaningful and memorable, but it
didn’t happen often because he thought that he needed to work harder to provide
them with more opportunities.
So he worked, six days a week, from the early morning until
the night, over holidays, etc.
This was not atypical of men of his time; but he had regrets. When he retired and came down to
Florida, he told his son, “I worked hard all my life, I ignored my family, and
for what! It was a mistake!”
So Irwin created a second life down here in Florida. He stopped working, he spent time with
his family and got to know them.
In this way, he did tesuvah, and he taught me something – you can’t teach
an old dog new tricks, but you can teach an old man to change.
Irwin taught me that it’s never to late to turn back and
change your focus from work to family and legacy. Avot D’Rabbi Natan says a famous line, “Do tesuvah one
day before your death.”
Can we learn from the mistakes of our ancestors? Can we realize that sacrificing
memories with our children may not be worth the toys you can buy with them with
the extra hours at the office?
Can we learn that no matter how old we are, we can change
because our ancestors did the same?
If you are still alive, it’s possible for you to turn things
around and leave the legacy you want to leave. That’s how we Jews seize the day.
Judaism is not just about the past – it’s also about the
future.
What does it mean to live for the future? To live for the future, you have to be
a dreamer.
We Jews are famous dreamers, and there is a famous midrash
that I want to share with you to highlight this attribute:
One day, a long time ago, a simple Jew, Choni HaMa’agel
sought the meaning of one sentence, “A Song of Ascents. When God brings about
the return to Zion, we were like dreamers…”
It is a vision of the future that references the
past. Choni could not understand
the meaning, it upset him, and he prayed to God to show him the meaning.
The next day, he happened to be walking along the road and
noticed an old man, bending over and panting while planting a sapling of a carob
tree. Choni goes up the old man and asks him: “how long does it take for this
tree to bear fruit?”
The old man stops working for just a moment and tells Choni:
“This tree will take 70 years to produce fruit, but I’m
sorry, I can’t talk right now, I don’t have a lot of time,”
Choni was really confused and asked what anyone else would
ask:
“Do you really think that you will live 70 more years to taste
from the fruits of this tree?”
The old man put down his shovel, looks at Choni and says:
“I found this carob tree in this world, just as my grandfather
planted the tree for my sake, so I’m planting this tree for my grandchild.”
Choni is really puzzled, and he still doesn’t know what the
pasuk means! He sits down to eat,
but After he finishes his meal, a deep sleep overtakes over him and he sleeps
for 70 years!
Finally, Choni wakes up, and starts walking around, looking
desperately for someone to ask what day it was. He then notices a young man picking carobs from sapling of
the tree he had seen planted, and Choni is shocked, amazed!
But he cannot find the old man who performed this magic, so
he asks the young man, “Do you know who planted the tree? He was much older,
but maybe I was wrong, are you him?”
The young man replies - “No, I am not, this tree was planted
by my father’s father, 70 years ago.”
And then, he understood what had happened – he became a dreamer, and he
realized, dreamers plant Carob trees –
plants that will give fruit to our unborn grandchildren, but not for us.
A colleague and friend, Rabbi David Seth Kirschner had an
excellent take on this line that puzzled Choni Ha’Ma’agal:
Dreamers are people that use their past
to better shape their future.
Dreamers are influenced by challenge and adversity
and know the road ahead is paved by the steps in the road already traveled.
Dreamers hope and aspire for something better but, they
learn best from their own encounters.
To be a dreamer means that you have to think about the
future, you have to look beyond yourself.
Dreamers live with urgency, just like the old man who planted the carob
tree – they actively plant seeds for the future.
And I would add, dreamers care more about the future than
even the present. They work so
hard because they want to leave a better world for their grandchildren – they
want their children to taste the fruits that could never have grown in their
life times!
As you age in life, you have to come to the realization –
you will not see all the flowers of the seeds that you are planting. I know, it isn’t fair, but you aren’t alone. Last week, we read Moses’s last song to
his people, Haazinu, a poem he recited on the day of his death. In this poem, Moses tries to leave his
children a legacy – a legacy of Torah, of values, of ethics, of practice, a
legacy devoted to God and humanity.
And yet, Moses will never see what will happen. Moses realized that life was not just about
him, it was about his ancestors, and his descendents, and his true wish was
that his children would remember this, that they would not become orphans in history.
In between this Kol Nidre and next, I want you to do 3
things:
1. Live for the past
Learn about who you are named after and write down their
story – what were the positive things that they stood for? Where did they fall short and how can
you learn from the lessons that they learned? Learn from my mistake:
take the opportunity to ask who you are named after before it is too
late! And if you really want to
give your children a gift, tell them the story of who they are named
after. Put pictures of the people
they are named after in your children’s rooms so they can see a glimpse of the
past to give them the strength to live in the present. Rav Kook famously said: Make the old new and the new holy. You have a chance to make the old holy
this year, don’t pass it up.
2. Live for the future
Plant a carob tree – do something that you might not see
give fruit in your lifetime but you know will in the future.
One way to do this in a very real way is through our Create
a Jewish Legacy program, a program run through the South Palm Beach Federation
where you can make a charitable bequest for our congregation.
As the synagogue world changes, we have realized that in
order to ensure a future for our congregation, we need your help.
We often pass down family heirlooms to our children, a
kiddish cup, grandmother’s candlesticks, but if we don’t pass down the
knowledge, the values, and the sense of community, then these items will be
worthless to our descendents.
We have a chance to pass on more than things, but a legacy,
and my hope is that our congregation will continue to teach our Jewish customs,
tradition, our faith in God, and our commitment to Israel for future
generations. But we cannot do it
without your help – I ask you to think about something – the future, think
about what legacy you want to pass down here in Boca Raton Florida for future
generations of Jews.
If you are interested in taking part in Creating a Jewish
Legacy for our congregation for years to come, please contact us at office@shaareikodesh.org or by
phone, 561-852-6555.
Remember, we cannot take anything with us to the next world,
but we can leave something behind.
(For more information about Create A Jewish Legacy, please
click here).
3. AND FINALLY, Don’t forget to live for the
present, I mean, YOLO, you only live once after all right?
Don’t forget that you are going to make a tremendous impact
in this world if you can hold the past and the present in your hands. You only have one shot to leave an
impact in this world, to live for the past and future – in the present.
Love life, love each
other, and have fun.
YOLO, Seize the Day, because it goes by fast.
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